It's a Ruff Life

I never thought I'd have a blog post with that title. Ever. But there is a good reason...

Friday night Jessie and I wanted to get a movie from Redbox. So we got online to look at our options. As we were scrolling down we became quite distraught at the surprising amount of dog movies. What on earth is going on? Is there a shortage of actors/actresses? Are dogs taking over? Do people actually enjoy watching movies where real life animals talk? Because they shouldn't. It's creepy.

So let's talk about these movies. Here are a few of the treasures I found:

1. Marmaduke A talking dog is a no. A talking dog with sunglasses is a BIG no! Even if Owen Wilson is his voice.
2. Cats and Dogs ...as if a movie with just dogs isn't bad enough let's add in some cats. We'll make Homeward Bounds for this generation because they didn't suffer through that.
3. Soccer Dog Of course a hopeless soccer team would recruit a dog. Brilliant?! If there had been a dog playing soccer when I played in elementary school I would've gone nuts.
4. The Gold Retrievers Maybe if it was about Gold Labs I'd watch it. But probably not.
5. Chestnut The dog's name is chestnut. And he wears sunglasses. Enough said.
6. Cop Dog Everybody's favorite cop is a dog. Great. What a hero.

I guess I should be glad no Beethovens were at Redbox at the time, but still. I think this poster sums it all up. It's supposed to make me go "Aw." But oh boy it makes me mad.

Dear Jewelry Loving Men,

1. I don't understand you. Jewelry is for girls. You should know that, but some of you don't. Some of you just have to wear jewelry. Well I'm here to help you out to guide you on your jewelry wearing path. Here are some simple guidelines to follow.
2. Earrings are gross. I can't believe I even have to explain this. The diamond stud is especially disturbing so lose it. That means you Mitchell Musso.
3. Necklaces are a no no. I don't care if it is an arrowhead, lucky charm, small ring that doesn't fit on your finger, elephants tusk, silver chain, or homemade rope necklace. Don't wear it. just don't.
4. Easy on the wrists. Watches are pretty attractive so let's just have those be the only things on your wrists. Bracelets are for girls, but some of you insist on wearing them. Fine. Just don't let it be silver or gold chains. Wear one of those rubber bracelets that show your patriotism or one of those weird rope looking things. Don't wear rubber bands on your wrist because then I just want to come up and pull it.
5. Absolutely no toe rings. Okay so I have never seen this one and I doubt I ever will, but I just wanted to throw that gaggy image out there. Can you think of anything more slimy?
6. Rings. Your third finger and your fourth finger are just fine. And if you're married by all means please wear your wedding ring so I don't have a crush on you for two minutes before I find out you're married with a kid. That's just awkward.
7. Pointer finger rings are pretty bothersome. They aren't horrible, but they're kind of ugly. And they distract me when you're teaching a Sunday School lesson and keep using your hands to talk.
8. Thumb rings are worse than pointer finger rings. Don't do it. These are ugly and horrible but they aren't as bad as...
9. Pinky rings. Is there anything as ugly as a pinky ring on a boy? Okay so this isn't very common these days, but it was common back in Jane Austen's time. And unfortunately, I watch movies about Jane Austen's time and I fall in love with her men. There will be this beautiful scene then the boy's hand comes into the picture and he has a pinky ring. Uh. Totally ruins it. Just look at this picture and try and tell me the pinky ring doesn't destroy it.
10. In order to obey rules 1-9 just do the following: Don't wear jewelry unless it's a watch or wedding ring. Thanks a lot!

Love, Becky

When you grow up in a family with mostly girls:

1. You dress your little brother up as a girl and name her Benjalina.
2. You don't get any Star Wars or Lord of the Rings jokes.
3. You think action figures should remain as just toys. Of course you didn't read the comic strips so when you watch the movies you get super confused. Seriously, no more action figure movies!
4. The best part of any TV show is the romance. Whether it's Chuck and Sara, Jim and Pam, or Shawn and Jules their part in the episode makes or breaks it.
5. You get a blister on your thumb after playing Mario Kart for 1/2 an hour. Seriously. A blister. 1/2 an hour!

Photogeneticy

Dear Self,

I notice that you have been struggling lately with your photogeneticy. I thought I'd give you a few pointers. I know this post will embarrass you completely but hopefully it will help you avoid these mistakes in Galilee.

Try to not have your hair all over your face in the picture:

Make sure you know what everyone else is doing before you make a stupid pose:

Make sure the lighting is sweet:

No more swimsuit pictures next to Brooke:

Instead, stand next to Ramzi:

Don't strike poses that make you shorter. Not a good idea.

Don't put your hand on your waist simultaneously with your friend unless you want to look like moms.

Don't try these turning around pictures. They just never work out.

What to say? I guess don't ever, ever stand like this again. It's just awkward.

So you have a lazy glasses day? That's fine but I suggest taking them off for pictures from now on.

Nervous, big smile face = double chin. Don't do it.

Instead of squinting to the point of looking Oriental why don't you just pull those sunglasses off your head onto your face?

Need a good self esteem boost? Stand in the middle of a panoramic picture.

Most importantly try to smile and look pleasant all the time. You never know when people are taking your picture.

Classroom Etiquette by Becky Dayton

So you want to raise your hand?
• Wait until the teacher at least finishes his sentence. Likelihood is he’ll answer your question.
• If the teacher makes eye contact with you while your hand is raised and they keep talking then there’s no need to keep holding your hand up. The teacher saw it and obviously doesn’t want to answer your question. Just put your hand down. Maybe they’ll come back to you.
• Have you been paying attention in class? No? Then don’t raise your hand and have the teacher repeat something because you weren’t listening.
• Don’t ask questions/make statements just to make yourself look smart. (While I was reading The Odyssey I found…)
• Limit your questions. Everyone has questions and comments (most of us just don’t say them) so don’t take all the space.
• There’s no need to hold your hand straight up, a 90 degree angle will suffice.
• Ask yourself, “Does the whole class need to hear this question, or could it wait until after class?”
• Don’t, under any circumstance, raise your hand when there’s >1 min. left of class. Some of us have countdowns going on and you’re totally messing them up! This is especially uncalled for when there is a meal right after class.

So you want to sit behind me? Great just don’t:
• Scratch my back
• Play with my hair (I love this, just not in class)
• Jiggle my chair
• Stick your foot up on my chair. It’s just gross, Okay? Especially if you have bare feet.
• Answer questions the students ask the teachers. I’m pretty sure the teacher knows more than you do so just let them answer okay?
• Whisper constantly.
• Shush other people. You know the, “SHHHH!!!” The shushers always get to me…

So you are teaching the class. Here are a few pointers for you:
• Never snap at the students, it makes us want to hurt you.
• Don’t stop your lecture every time a student talks and say, “Listen to me. This is very important. I want you to do well on your final.” I’m sorry, but students are going to talk every once in a while, and if you stop every time one of them talks when there are 80+ students, well that’s just a waste of time.
• Don’t give us reading in size 8 font. This also makes us want to hurt you.
• Keep up with the breaks half way through they class. They make me happy.
• Don’t schedule midterms so they last for more than two weeks! Coordinate with other teachers. Okay?
• We do love those take home quizzes. Keep them coming.
• Don’t assign a 15 page (mostly single spaced paper) midterm for a two credit class. That’s just not nice.

So you are trying to stay awake. Here are a few suggestions:
• Write a poem
• Doodle
• MASH (classic)
• Actually take notes on what the teacher is saying…
The basic idea is to stay awake while at least paying ½ attention. Do things that will allow you to still take notes and listen. Don’t do things that will distract others. If you’re not going to pay attention at least keep it to yourself.

Most importantly never, ever blog during class. That’s just totally inappropriate. Seriously though don’t think I’m a bad student after reading this. I almost always pay attention in class. Not many people get the opportunity to take these classes and I know I’m very lucky. I’ll start trying harder. Tomorrow.